Your Owner, IA
by Predator's Gleam
Summary: IA is that one-of-a-kind-girl from Mars with an obsession for anime, but nobody ever notices her. But when she accidentally kisses Len Kagamine-the most popular boy in her grade- and pepper sprays him, her life goes downhill. Welcome to IA's Inner World.
1. Owner IA: Pepper Spray

**Sunday, 9:45 AM **

Dear Beloved Biology Textbook,

Yes I am using a biology textbook to write in but meh, who gives a ****.(As much as I want to write that word in here, I will not allow it to contaminate you, my um...textbook.)

The reason why I am using a textbook is because I actually tossed my diary...somewhere.(Or maybe out of the window because you never know when I would actually 'on' my insane side.) I can literally picture myself throwing that thing-with a hideous color of pink and sequin sewed on it-out of the window.

Well I guess I have to buy a new one, and give myself a mental reminder NOT to take my sister along with me. The last time I did, she cleared the supermarket of all their absolutely ugly sequin diaries. And I bet five bucks that the supermarket are thanking us right now.

* * *

><p>I finally bought my diary! (Well, I don't think the supermarket staff appreciated me walking around, scribbling on a biology textbook for 1 hour, but at least I bought a diary worth two bucks. (Right now, I am writing on you, my diary.)<p>

So...what am I going to do about the first entry? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want a page about how the brain's pituitary gland controls the water concentration of the blood with the entry that I randomly scribbled on there plastered on your first page. (It's weird how I am communicating with a book with 878 blank pages.)

Anyways, tomorrow I would be going to school. Scho- OH CRAP I FORGOT TO DO MY HOMEWORK I HAVE A CRAP TON OF THEM. ASDFGHJKLZXCVBNADYJKLASDF.

* * *

><p><strong>Monday, 7:42 AM<strong>

Dear Diary,

I managed to finish my homework! YESH BWAHAHAHA SOONER OR LATER I WILL BECOME THE QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE AND BE KNOWN AS 'THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN COMPLETE SUCH AN IMPOSSIBLE TASK!'

...Not. Now I'm getting ready for school. It starts at 8 and takes nearly half and hour for me to wal- OH MY ****ING GOD WHAT IS THE TIME NOW. Ohgoshohgoshohgosh panic attack ohgosh! RUN, *****, RUN! (One day, you'll thank me for trying to preserve your innocence.)

* * *

><p>I managed to reach school on time, and because of me completing that feat, my otaku mind is taking over and is starting to plan world domination. You know, like those kinds of anime where their is some evil person who tries to plan world domination and fails horribly.<p>

And so right now, I'm sitting in a classroom observing other people. Well, I only take note of people with abnormal hair colors(because I like to wonder if their hair colors are natural.)

There's Luka Megurine with pink hair. It's not everyday you see someone sashaying into a classroom with perfect straight pink hair trailing behind her (but in my case I DO see her everyday.) It's plain weird, but I guess I can't speak since I have platinum hair that goes all the way down to my knees. Speaking of pink, it reminds me of Sakura Haruno from Naruto.

Oops. Teacher's here, but it's okay, because um... NEVER FEAR, IA IS HERE! Lame slogan, but mehhh. NINJA MODE-ACTIVATE!

* * *

><p>Now it's lunch. And I have so much to write. Biology and Chemistry was absolutely horrible!<p>

Someone tripped me. And its funny how I wasn't thinking of whether my nose would bleed or if I would sustain any injuries. Instead, I was thinking, 'Face, meet floor.' (Well, my face always needs a new friend! Trust me, I TOTALLY WASN'T being sarcastic.)

Argh, I swear if this tripping thing continues, my face will go flat one day and that person will have to pay for my medical fees. Anyways, my nose really DID bleed and I got sent to the nurse. Well, I'm pretty sure all the other students were like, 'heck yeah, a nerd out of the class' but guess what? I DON'T GIVE A FRICK.

Oh, and the bell rang. It's a sign of DOOOMMMMMM. Why? Because I need to stop writing and because the next class I have is gym. Seriously, we just ate, isn't the school worried we will puke? They claim Gym is fun, but honestly, running laps around the field with knee-length hair isn't really my definition of 'FUN'.

Well, DOOM ENSUES.

* * *

><p><strong>Tuesday, 7:00 AM<strong>

Yesterday night, my sister suggested I stop being a lazy-ass and go out and do some work. And I could tell she was phrasing that in the nicest way possible.

Her smile was really creepy. And she offered to buy me Skyrim.

Therefore, before my much un-appreciated ass gets kicked out of the apartment, I better start signing up for some jobs.

* * *

><p>Urgh. Meat from the school's canteen today. They call it healthy, but their definition of healthy is one million sets of McDonald meals. Besides, nobody knows what's really in there. And I bet you five bucks it's cow **** and a few eyeballs lumped together.<p>

The meat is so stinky. I wonder how the staff even manage to put this wondrous masterpiece together without collapsing.

Wow, I sound like a food critic.

* * *

><p>School is over, and normally I would be happy to go home and actually get some manga time, but today, I am dreading the interview. I found a cosplay cafe that was hiring desperately, and the pay was pretty high too. And I heard that their cosplays are awesome and they actually let you take it home. Hmm... maybe I should go to the anime expo next year.<p>

"OOH, ARE YOU HERE FOR THE INTERVIEW? MEOW!" a random waitress asked. And one look at her, and I wanted the job. "My gosh, you're dressed as Misaki from Kaichou-wa maid-sama!" I gushed with sparkly eyes.

Normally I don't watch shoujo anime but this was a different matter.

* * *

><p>I got the job! I'm happy as hell though my sister isn't really very pleased. Well, I was actually expecting a better response. Like...she welcomes me back and blasts confetti in my face. Well, whatever.<p>

Gotta get ready for school!

* * *

><p>Oh gosh, Diary. You will never believe this.<p>

Well, to the flashback. (I'm trying to do this while snapping my fingers but it seems like its going horribly.)

I was walking with my lunch tray and some idiot who probably is suffering from a head concussion now stuck out his leg to trip ME. And when I tripped, that BANANA PEEL JUST HAD TO BE RUNNING IN THE FRIGGIN CANTEEN. LIKE HELLO DUDE, EVER HEARD OF SAFETY? And I obviously fell (I'm starting to think I need band-aids wherever I go) and me and Banana Peel collided into each other and fell on the ground.

BUT GET THIS: HIS ****ING LIPS WERE ON MINEEEEEEE! There were those kind of alarm noises repeating in my head. BEE-DO BEE-DO BEE-DO! It was almost as annoying as Ahmet from Assassin's Creed.

My Karate Senses kicked in and I whipped out my pepper spray and sprayed him, before kneeing him where the sun doesn't shine.

* * *

><p>ARGHHHH! Should I forgive Banana Peel? I think I should! But he shouldn't have been running in the canteen!<p>

Tired and Signing Off,

Your Owner, IA


	2. Owner IA: Teletubbies?

**Thursday, 6:39 AM**

Dear Diary,

I really do not want to go to school. Other than the fact that I was going to die of embarassment, I would be skinned alive! Why? Because Banana Peel is THAT idiotic guy Len Kagamine - some really popular guy who ain't know **** - and besides, he reminds me of a shota! And I bet'cha five bucks his group of lackeys are against me too.

Oh well, I should visit some video game shops. I saved up fifty-eight bucks to buy new video games!

* * *

><p>It's kind of weird how a shop is open at this ungodly time but, meh.<p>

This shop is really old and run-down. I think the owner is one of those old people that wakes up at 4 AM just to make coffee. WAIT IS THAT AMNESIA? God I always wanted one of tho- OW!

"WHAT THE HELL?" Oops. Unintentional sentence that I totally DIDN'T mean to blurt out. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who need a hand clasped over my mouth wherever I go.

"Sorry!" someone with green hair says.

Green hair, Jade eyes. Seems kind of familiar. Wait isn't he one of Banana's lackeys? OMFG THEY'RE ATTACKING HELP THEY'RE GOING TO KIDNAP ME ASDFGHKLOEHFJKEKNSNM

...Not. The only thing Lackey #1 is doing is staring at me with this perplexing look on his face. It looks stupid. Oh wow, is he shocked by my beauty? Pretty sure he isn't.

And... now he's moving his mouth but no words are coming out.

Sinister IA is showing her much unwanted ass here.

"I'm um..." Lackey #1 says but stops halfway.

What's his name again? Mikan? Nah, it's a girl name. Miguo? Mishuo?

"Mikuo," he continues. Oh yes! That's it! Mikuo! Well, I prefer Lackey #1. It's better suiting.

"IA," I say quietly.

"Nice to meet you," he says.

I nod. Oh, so now there's an awkward silence. "Well," he shuffles his feet. "Bye, IA," he says while walking away.

Hmmm... This guy isn't that bad after all... He has manners I guess.

* * *

><p>People give me looks in the hallway. Well, I don't give a ****. It's not my fault Banana Peel dropped out of nowhere (ooh maybe out of the sky) and landed on me!<p>

An- OH CRAP IS THAT BANANA PEEL? AND HIS GROUP OF LACKEYS? WHOA THEY'RE WALKING HERE! NUHHHH THIS IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT IN DAYLIGHT! I'M CALLING THE POLICE YOU PIECE OF **** LUMPED TOGETHER!

...Not. And... at this moment aren't I supposed to be all alert or something? Instead, I'm writing in you and totally ignoring them. (DIARY I SWEAR IT'S NOT MY FAULT IT'S JUST THAT I AM ATTRACTED TO YOU, AND NO, NOT IN THAT KIND OF WAY)

"Um...IA right?" Of course, or did you think my name was Santa Claus? Whoops, but sorry bro, I don't give out free presents on Christmas.

"I-I'm sorry for running and bumping into you." Is he blushing? Whaaaaa. I can look him directly in the eye without blushing and speak to him with stuttering like an idiot, and he can't? He's a boy for God's sake, and aren't boys supposed to be all brave and ****? (Well, maybe it's because I'm not normal? ...Forget it)

"Okay," Sometimes, it better to FORGIVE AND FORGET, (IMPORTANT LIFE MORAL, MEHHH) ESPECIALLY when there are millions of fangirls eyeing you at that very moment.

And at that exact moment, I notice someone green and blue next to him (TELETUBBIES. IN YOUR FACE.)

Lackey #1 and #2! Banana Peel clears his voice. "I'm Len Kagamine, nice to meet you!" And then he bows 180 degrees. Oh wow, such a polite person.

"Hi! I'm Kaito!" Lackey #2 says (also known as Blue Teletubby)

Green Teletubby just...stays silent. Wow-ee. Way to go to make your... second impression.

"What's this?" Oh gosh is he pointing at you? BRAIN, THINK!

"A book." Hahahaha EPIC ANSWER RIGHT? Not. I feel like face palming myself for SUCH an idiotic answer.

"Oh okay," he says. "Bye!" Banana Peel giggles.

PHEW! He and his teletubbies are walking away. I wonder how I managed to survive that while writing in you, diary. Waitttttt... He giggled! Ah... that just proves my point that he is indeed a shota.

I think I should start walking to class.

* * *

><p>My skill to literally avoid everyone while writing in you amazes me sometimes. It' lunch now and I have a whole crap ton of **** I have to write. Some girls... tried to corner me during class, but thanks to you (yes you, my precious book),I was so distracted that I didn't even look at them.<p>

They said and I quote: OH EM GEE! How dare you!

Woman, chill. We're not in some kind of chick-flick.

"THE AUDACITY OF YOU!" "WHY WAS LEN-SAMA TALKING TO YOU?"

I hope that if my ear-drums burst because of all their screeching, they are willing to pay for my medical fees. And SAMA? Are you ****ing serious? Do they worship him like he's some kind of God or something?

Bleurgh. ****, the bell rang. And literature is the next lesson! Crap. Hopefully work is okay today.

* * *

><p>Now I'm walking to work. And walking while writing. (Diary, if you ever become a human one day, don't do this. It's dangerous.) And- oh I've reached. I can't believe I reached work without a harmed body (ignoring the fact that I am slightly *coughcough* oblivious to my surroundings).<p>

Oh, my phone rang.

* * *

><p><strong>Thursday, 3 PM<strong>

OH MY GOD DIARY YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED JUST NOW ASDFGHJKL.

Um so... ehem... Banana Peel just texted me.

And for some reason, he has MY number. Uh, what the hell dude? How do you get telephone numbers so easily? Are you some kind of psycho stalker?

...Oh, right. He's the king of the ****ing school. Of course, he can just go up to a girl and say, "Hey there, give me IA's number."

Have to go to work now, bye!

* * *

><p>Work was literally the epitome of awesome. And I really want to write it all down in here but... save the earth, save trees, don't waste paper (and don't waste my energy.)<p>

So just now my sister asked me to help her hang whatever uh decorations on the...christmas tree. And that reminds me that christmas is coming.

You know, the reason why I hate christmas is:

1. My sister

2. My sister

3. My sister

4. My sister

5. My sister.

You have no idea how irritating my sister is during any holidays. She'll run around the house like a mentally unstable monkey on drugs. Suddenly, she'll grab my hand while I am surfing the web and say, "'Sup girl! Have any **** for me? By the way, please lend me your ****ing pocket money, I'm goin' shopping with my girlfriends later! Oh ya, remember, we gotta bake some christmas cookies and blablablablabla." (I put bla because I don't listen to the words after that.)

And guess what? She says that in one single breath. Is she human? I highly doubt so. Is she an alien? Do aliens run around their house like a crazy ***** on drugs? Guess not.

This is a question that will forever remain unanswered.

Bye,

IA.


End file.
